Cross Cultural Marriage - 3 F's

Being married cross-culturally has been a really fun adventure for us. It of course has its unique challenges but also unique rewards.

1. Food - you gotta be a little adventurous with food. Hey, if other people eat it you have to just get over yourself and give it a whirl. Many foods are an aquired taste but you really can aquire it!! I actually crave Indian food and look so forward to visiting the in-laws to get some good old South Indian Cuisine. So get outside of yourself, get a good attitude and you might find you like it. Also, others love it when you take an interest in them and their food. My mother in-laws cooking is so good! Even if the food doesn't agree with you there are some tricks to help you out. The first is milk and yogurt! If the food is so spicy, that it feels like fire in your GI track, drink lots of milk and yogurt - this will cool it down. It really works!

2. Family - It is good to be aware that not all cultures view family the same. Eastern families tend to see family as intergenerational where parents have lots of influence in the lives of their married children. Western families have a high value of the nuclear family where the primary influence is your "immediate" family and extended family doesn't have as much influence, the final say is left up to the nuclear "immediate" family. Neither view is right or wrong just different and if you are not prepared to deal with it, it can be very difficult and frustrating.

3. Faith - Many people don't think this is a big deal. Let me just set the record straight... it is a big deal. Even if you don't think it is when you get married it will be later. Especially, once you have children. If you have different worldviews or faiths it is easy for your children to get caught in the middle. Even if you are not spiritual you may start to feel like your spouse is pushing their views on the children and vice-versa. One thing that has really strengthened our marriage is the fact that Shoji and I are on the same page!

Before you get married talk long and hard about these things. Then when you think you come to some common ground, talk about a it lot more!